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Debby_FL
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Hi YA.... IM Debby in Central Florida. Lakeland actually. IM a 45 year old single mother and grandmother. I have two children a daughter 20 and a son 15. I have two wonderful grandchildren Logan 4 and Mikalyn 3. February 2002 I was given legal custody of the Grands thru Family Court. Here is our story.
When I was young all I ever wanted
was to be a wife and mother. I know not a lot of ambition there.
I just knew that is what would make me happy. I married at 21,
had my daughter at 23. Thought my world was perfect. My
DD was always very demanding. Needing all of your attention.....
as an only child that was not something we really noticed to much.
In 88 I found my husband had a REAL problem keeping things zipped up
away from home. I spent three days in a mental health unit (self
admitted) at our local hospital. My world had came crashing in.
My perfect world had just fallen apart. I had decided to divorce
her dad and found at discharge I was pregnant with my son. So
being the good mother I stayed. For 6 more years.
After my divorce is when I started
to realize we were on a Roller Coaster ride from Hell. It started
long before that but I was so nieve I didn't see it.
I had been told she was strong
willed, had an unrealistic sense of reality, the list goes on and on
but at 13 after being arrested for possession We were told she was bipolar.
OK just what does that mean.
Shortly after she was placed under a Marchment act and started a 6 month out patient drug treatment program. After 2 years she was dicharged. Things seemed much better. Bought my house and remember thinking this house is the start to a new life for us all. I just did not realize just what kind of life it was going to be. Two days after moving in we found
out my DD was pregnant. At 15. Pregnant and had never been
on a date. I tried to keep her in school sent to two different
TEEN Mother type schools. No matter what I wanted it wasnt going
to happen. She did everything she could do to "MAKE ME MAD" This
past year I was given a copy of a psychological on her. She made
the statements that she started doing drugs to make me mad. She
had sex with DGS bio on the first anniversary of my divorce. She
always tried to punish us.
During her pregnancy she was
baker acted several times. After he was born she seemed at Peace.
Life was calm. She started dating a guy..........He was abusive
and controlling........ After a few months she broke it off.........and.........found
she was pregnant at 16 for the second time.....she lost it..........
became out of control.( yeah sounds like I had control up to here).......Mikalyn
was born in Sept 01'.
Drugs and drinking and boys OMG
what a nightmare. I use to say she was "My personal tour guide
thru Hell on Earth". She was placed under a second Marchment act
and this time ordered into residential treatment. Waiting to be
placed she was charged with possession. Was arrested for contemt
of court. She just did not care. Drugs had become the controlling
factor in her life. In Jan 02' she kissed her son hugged him and
walked out my front door. Never looked back. The next day
a DCF investigator came to my home. I was told there was nothing
they could do...... she ha left them with a responsible party......ME.....That
if I didn't keep them then and only then would they take them.........SO
I took every dime I had and filed for custody in Family Court.....The
judge gave me temp. custody until a hearing Feb. 12th. She was
missing for 28 days and we found her in a Crack house. weighed
86 pounds. Strung out of her mind. She was taken to her
dads. Three days later she over dosed was found uncontous in the
back seat of a car. The doctor at the ER baker acted her.
She was seeing and hearing things not there. For 3 months she
saw and heard things.
She was at the custody hearing........judge
ask her if she had an objection to the kids being with me.....I'll never
forget. " My moms is great she will Love them" I don't think she even
remembers being there. So I was given TEMPORARY custody.
That is all you can have thru family court. The court order reads
she cannot ask for reconsideration until she completes a residential
drug treatment program, Has a stable home, and employed for 6 months.
Three years later none of it has been done. She did spend three
months in a residential program and was discharged unsuccessful.
Do not fool yourself into thinking
the system is set up to help your child or your grands. There
are so many holes to fall through. I was lucky I see that now
after becoming part of this support group. My babies are safe.
I do not have to deal with DCF, Court hearings, I have total control
over what happens to the kids. There are draw back. Financially
is a big one. There is not a resource person to help find help
needed for the kids. For me the biggest is children placed in
family court do not EVER have the right to PERMANENT Placement.
If my DD doesn't ever complete the few requirements My DGChildren will
remain in TEMPORARY CUSTODY. I feel that needs to change they
have the right to know they are stable and safe.
The second part of my story are
the kids themselves.
Logan is autistic, ODD, ADHD,
Obsessive compulsive, sensory intergration, RADS. He has violate
meltdowns and is obsessed with killing. He sees a councilor weekly
and under the care of a Neurologist. He is on several meds.
He is enrolled in a ESE-Pre-k Class at a local public school.
We are making progress. But it is a real battle.
Mikalyn has ADHD, ODD, I've been
told she has a personality disorder, and has been referred to a psychiatrist
for suspected Bipolar. She was enrolled recently in the same school
as her brother.
Well, that is an over view of
our story. There is so much more but no way to write it all here.
I hope if you find yourself in a similar situation. Feeling lost
and no one understands.......... that you just cannot do this one day
longer........ you will stay with us a while........ Read the
post..... come to chat......... I think you will no longer feel
alone. .........
We truly understand.
God Bless...........
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