We Have A Dream
by Cyn


We have a dream. The dream is to unite Grandparents Raising Grandchildren and Kinship Caregivers. This is not for monetary gain, nor for political gain, or for any gain other than bringing together a nationwide community that gets larger and larger daily. We are all ages, we are at all stages, we are all cultures, we are all heritages, we are diversity at it's best . The children we are caring for are newborns, toddlers, grade schoolers and teens. Some have even gotten past the child rearing stages and are watching their second set of adults enter the big wide world without having their hand held.

Many of us see a natural progression to how we would like to band together and see that we as kinship caregivers are given the first consideration when a child is removed from a parental home. We would like our fears and doubts to be heeded before some of the damage is done to these children. We want to see the system enforce the laws that are in place, in a timely fashion and not be bogged down by rhetoric and 'systems' and see other states change their laws for the betterment of the children.

We would like to see the system addressing those of us who have stepped in voluntarily to do the same kinship caregiving protect those same children that they would protect through the normal child services division.

We see the rights and benefits due our grandchildren, step grandchildren, nieces, and nephews as separate from the normal child welfare system. It is kinship care, we do expect to 'pay' to keep our children, our children's children, and our children's children's children in our immediate family and not thrown into a system that will pay no heed to their culture, their genetics, their diversity, or their heritage.

But we need a voice that is calm, cool, and informed. We need a voice that is focused on a much larger picture than our day to day lives. We cannot present ourselves as an emotionally fragmented picture of who and what we are and what we want to accomplish. No one will hear that voice, no one will heed that voice, no one will make changes to a system from that voice.

I always say make your anger work for you, use that anger, give it form, give it focus. Take the first step to advocate for a change in the system. But I also say put a rock or ball in your pocket, keep your emotions intact and present a united front.

There are so many men and women that have been fighting this battle for much longer than any of us. They have the tools, the ideas, the ways and means to accomplish so many things that would benefit ALL OF US. Let's find them, let's listen, let's grow our numbers, let's give them our ideas, thoughts and suggestions, let's correlate a means to make a difference on a large scale for the benefit of all of these children.

I do not disagree with many of the issues that need to come into the light, but there are those that I do believe need to be tabled for a time until a framework is built for a much larger change than us few here can accomplish.

I agree that not enough has happened in a very long time. But it has been happening, it is happening, states across the country are looking at de facto legislation, they are looking at kinship caregiving. They are looking at the issues that are important to us.

Now is the time to push for laws through our states that address those issues. With the federal and state budgets in such crisis and the children's services departments being scrutinized internally and externally change has to come. Change will come. It will not come in a monetary form at first. It will come in the form of custody issues, time frames, services, benefits, and children's rights issues.

What also needs to be addressed is the fact that those with formal custody are in the minority. Those with informal custody, just that little piece of paper giving them permission to allow doctor's appointments and register the children for school are the majority. They can even have legal custody and will still never qualify for the same benefits given to the children that are in the state custody. Even some that come through the system still do not get the full benefits and while that sounds "not fair" again it is a trade off to keep the state from having control.

The way many of we have been working together is to talk to each other to find the underlying reason that not all kinship caregivers are offered the same benefits, monies, and services as each other, quite often within the same state.

It wasn't just that federal laws weren't being adhered to. It wasn't just that social workers, judges, and all involved had a separate vision. The realization that there needs to be semblance of uniformity to the whole issue of kinship caregiving came about. And sorry to say it will take baby steps to achieve this. It will not be tomorrow, or in time to afford the next new movie, sport, clothes, or cd.

We read it every day here. We hear it at chat. They are the ones that are afraid of the repercussions from biologic parents. They are the ones that will sit back and pay for medical, pay for daycare, pay for whatever the children need to the point of bankruptcy. This also needs to be addressed.

I do not believe that the media is the initial forum for change. From past experiences the media has sensationalized the issues. Talk shows inviting GRG's and then turning it into a three ring circus of why did you steal your child's child. This includes those that do not normally do 'gut' TV or radio.

Change needs to come about through legislation. The facts and figures and programs that are in other states and that seem to be addressing the issues in a more clear sighted fashion. We can supply that to those that can make a difference. We need to supply it to all who sit on Children's and Families committees, all those who deal with HHS, all those who might even have a personal connection to the issues that we bring to the table.

We most especially need to grow our numbers, we need to reach out to all kinship caregivers and impart 'the dream.' We need to get to support groups, infuse new blood, infuse new enthusiasm. If a group doesn't exist or has taken a different path, start one, change the focus, give it direction.

What we can share is information, what we can make use of is education. Knowing the laws, knowing what exists, what has been brought to the government, what has been tabled, what has been voted down. We need to look at each of those and see the why's. What would have made it better? What verbiage would have allowed it to pass? What group or groups fought against it? And most especially, for what reason.

Our point through all of this is that change can come about, change will come about, but it needs form and it needs focus. It cannot be accomplished by a few emails from people who are emotional, who should be emotional, who have every right to be emotional.

The points being made, the discussion being held is a healthy and appropriate one. It has been needed for quite some time. It is time to build more activism. We do need more voices, but those voices need to carry a message to include all GRG's or kinship caregivers. We do need differing opinions and attitudes.

We can hug, we can support, we can be there for one another everyday, all day, but it will not address the larger issues that in so many minds needs to be addressed.

Each state looks to another when it comes to policy and procedure. They may change the wording, they may change the form somewhat, but the essence is basically the same. What we need to pursue is an education on the state level of what exists in other states, we need to take the best and give them something to look at from a bureaucratic perspective.

We need to work together, we are not factions of an issue, we are all part of the issue and part of the solution. Differences of opinion should never be seen as a negative it should be considered an avenue to walk down and explore.