Healing
by Nancy

To children, an owie means several things. It means you get physical comfort, usually in the form of a kiss and or hug, and a sympathetic “Did you get a boo-boo? Let me give it a kiss” from the grownup that rules the roost. That will usually suffice as a cure-all, but occasionally there is more needed. In that case, the blood is wiped away, water is run, and some kind of medication is spread. The best medication is iodine or mercurochrome as it leaves a nice red mark so that the world will know that the victim is among the walking wounded. The iodine stings a bit as it is applied and reminds the child that healing is taking place. A nice big bandaid that is plainly visible from across the room will suffice as well. Healing that would have come naturally, given enough fresh air, clean water, and time seems to take place much faster with just a few aids.

As the child gets older, and can put on his own band aids, the “owies” change nature. They become deeper, more serious, and less visible. A pat on the head and a kiss to the booboo will not cure anything any more, and they only need the grownup in especially serious cases, usually involving the heart. The grown-up of their childhood days is replaced by a veritable herd of peers. When a wound is inflicted, sympathy and condolences along with quick hugs take the place of the booboo kiss. If more is needed, a snow storm of notes written in notebooks, on the back of assignments, and on the fly leaf of an encyclopedia consoles and comforts the not quite grown-up with the larger than life boo-boos. In large round cursive letters with curlicues and hearts dotting every “I”, the notes righteously identify the problem as most assuredly caused by someone else and propose at least a million solutions. Just as the mercurochrome and band aid are the outward signs of the booboos earned in life by a child, so too are the notes a symbol of the booboos encountered in adolescence. The hugs and consoling whispers from the peer group take the place of a loving adult touch, but are just as needed as the kiss and smile from the adult was to the child.

Adulthood brings its share of bumps bruises and owies. But by this point in time, nearly all of the “owies” encountered are internal. They don’t leave scars on the knees or elbows, but on the soul. They aren’t acquired by falling out of a tree, or wrecking a tricycle. Nor are they acquired because some blue eyes failed to sparkle in the right direction or a pair of rosy lips uttered defamatory remarks. All too often they come from some one supposedly near and dear. The nearer and dearer they are, the deeper the scar, the greater the pain. A chance remark or a deliberate and intended put down, a true story that didn’t need telling, or a fabrication as fine as silk will all leave marks that can sear the soul and are never allowed to heal.

No less than the child’s knee or the teenager’s heart, the adult with scars on the soul can heal or appear to heal without aid. Touch, attention, and sympathy, speed the healing process for the child and for the teenager. Mercurochrome and bandaids and handwritten notes became part of the healing process, the outward sign that something was going on inside the body. The adult too, needs and looks for outward signs of inward healing. But how do you apply mercurochrome to the soul? Adult dignity dictates that the more the more self-possessed and in-control the person is, the better an adult he .

Thus adults stuff their owies and pretend that nothing has happened, becoming so involved in their own busyness that they lose sight of the fact that they are not healing, that the wounds are only becoming deeper and more infected. As the infection goes deeper it become apparent to others that they are in need, but it never occurs to the victim.. When the infection reaches a maximum, they begin to believe theirs is the only story and their needs are the only needs. They lose sight of the need to touch and be touched, the need to hear and be heard, the need to cry and be seen , in order to heal. . Where once they were blind to their own needs, they become blind to the needs of others.

As with the child and the teenager, the best healing must be a cooperative thing. Everyone needs someone to hold their hand while they are hurting, and others to acknowledge that they are hurting. The group actions of a teen crowd are in fact a healthy learning process. Caring for others heals the self. Today, I am in need, tomorrow someone else is.

Over thirty years ago this month, our 3 year old son died. While we were trying to find the strength to go on, some very dear friends came to our house and put away the things of his life so we wouldn’t have to face that so immediately after everything else. They told us that when they finished they sat on the couch and bawled. I commented that it wasn’t necessary to have done that. They looked at us and made the comment, ….”you can’t always be the giver, sometimes you must allow others to give, so that they can heal too. There is mercurochrome for the soul.

Adults too need help to facilitate the healing process.