When I married my husband in May of 1987 in Oklahoma, I knew that we were starting out with several challenges--a 22-yr. age difference, his 6 children from two previous marriages who had been turned against him and a very vindictive ex-wife from his 2nd marriage (she was the one who had turned all of his children against him). There was absolutely no contact from the children from the first marriage and had not been for some time. The children from his second marriage were teens and preteens when we married and since they had been adopted by a stepfather, contact with them was at the mercy of the ex-wife!

Lonnie and I were blessed with our own daughter in September of 1988, and we went on with our lives hoping that some day his older children would decide to see for themselves what he was really like. Shortly after our daughter Deidra turned 3, we received a phone call from Lonnie's first wife informing us that his oldest son had been killed in a hit-and-run accident. For about a month after the accident, the other two children from that marriage were in contact with us but we have not heard from them since then. Then when Deidra was in kindergarten, 2 of the children from his second marriage called one day and asked if we would meet them at Lonnie's brother's house because they wanted to see us (they were 18 and 16 at the time). For about 6 months they visited all the time, and then suddenly they would not have anything to do with us again (we later learned that their mother threatened to disown them and never talk to them again if they had any further contact with us). So we went on with our lives, hoping that someday God would bring them back into our lives.

We thought those prayers has been answered in 1999. In February of that year, the second son from the 2nd marriage called us from his uncle's house. We had moved to my home state of South Dakota in 1997 to raise Deidra in more of a small-town atmosphere and to be closer to my parents since Deidra was the only grandchild on my side of the family. When we travelled to Oklahoma in June that year, we stopped and spent a day with Kirt and his wife and family. The family consisted of Kirt's stepdaughter Breanna (almost 3) and his two biological children Cierra (age 1) and Devin, who was only a week old. We had a wonderful visit, and contact continued after we returned home. In September, Kirt called and said that he figured the only way he was going to be able to build a strong relationship with us was to move to South Dakota but wanted to know if we could put them up until they got on their feet. Of course, we said we would and on October 8 they arrived.

Things went fairly smoothly until they moved into their own apartment. Suddenly the children had bruises on them, and the bruises were always explained by stories of the kids pushing each other around, etc. Bonnie, Kirt's wife, came to us a couple of times and told us that Kirt had beat her up--we offered to give her and the children a safe place to stay with us, but she could not bring herself to do it. We would arrange to take the children overnight to give them a break, but when we showed up they would not answer the door--even though we could hear the little girls shouting "Grandma" and "Deidra" from the other side of the door. We hit rock bottom in early March 2000 when we discovered that they had headed back to Oklahoma without even giving us a chance to say goodbye to the children.

In early June 2000, we received a phone call from Bonnie's aunt in Oklahoma. Bonnie had finally decided she had to get out of the relationship, but by that time Kirt had reached the point where he would not let her take any of the children with her when she left the house. One Saturday night, he sent her on an errand to pick up some drugs for him--instead, she went to a shelter and asked for help in leaving him. Once the children were picked up and examined, it was determined that both parents had been neglectful and abusive to the children and they were placed in foster care. We did talk to the caseworker shortly after that, but were told that since we were so far away and were not able to make regular visits to the children we would not be allowed contact as it would be very confusing since the children were so young. I told her at that time that if it came down to the point of needing to place the children with us, we were definitely interested.

Over the next year or so, we would periodically hear from either Kirt or Bonnie, who had since divorced. Bonnie had all 3 children back with her for a couple of months but it was determined that she could not handle all of them so Breanna was placed with her biological father (who had faced past allegations of sexual abuse, but DHS was not aware of this at the time). Soon Bonnie's bipolar disorder got worse and she was not able to care for Cierra and Devin either. Kirt was living with a girlfriend at that time and had been following his caseplan, so the caseworker placed them with him. A few months later in July 2001, the girlfriend called both DHS and Kirt's attorney and told them that Devin was not eating and had withdrawn from everyone and everything. Kirt was so frustrated with him that the abuse was starting up again, so Devin was removed and placed in a foster home. Since Cierra did not show any signs of abuse and seemed to be thriving, she remained in the home. But once Devin was gone, Cierra soon became the scapegoat for Kirt's frustrations and she was removed from the home right after Thanksgiving that year. The two were placed together in a foster home in January 2002, where they stayed until they were placed with us.

A hearing was held in May 2002 to terminate Kirt's parental rights, and since he did not show up for the hearing his rights were terminated. Then in September of 2002, Breanna alleged that her biological father was sexually abusing her and she was placed back in foster care with Cierra and Devin. In November 2002, we got a call from the children's mother (the first contact we had had with either parent since Kirt had had both Devin and Cierra with him). She informed us that Kirt's rights had been terminated and she was facing a termination hearing in January. She said she had given it a lot of thought, and that if she was able to choose where the children would live it would be with us. Would we consider taking them in?

After a lot of soulsearching and talks with the Oklahoma caseworker in the next few days, we told the caseworker that we wanted to try to get them placed with us. We then went through the process of becoming licensed foster/adoptive parents and in May 2003 we drove to Oklahoma and picked up three children to whom we were practically strangers! They have all called us "Mom" and "Dad" since the day we picked them up, and on August 30, 2004 we finalized their adoption.

We realize that we still have a long road ahead of us. Breanna has been diagnosed with learning disabilities and is repeating the 2nd grade this year. I suspect that Cierra may have some learning disabilities, but her first grade teachers say they do not see enough evidence of it yet to warrant testing. Devin attends special ed preschool as he has 15 developmental delays, is in the 99th percentile of his age group for ADHD and we suspect he has Pervasive Developmental Disorder - NOS. But all of them have made so much progress since we took them in that we know we have done the right thing. In addition, there is a strong family history of bipolar disorder (including a teenage half-sibling who was taken away from the mother when Breanna was very young.) But we will deal with whatever comes our way in the best way that we are able!

We also strongly believe that these children were brought back into our lives with another purpose as well. Kirt and his current wife have kept in touch with us since we picked up the children (well, mainly Kirt's wife but at least we have regular contact!) In May 2004 we took a trip to Oklahoma and stopped in the area where the little ones had lived to visit various relatives and their former foster parents. One of the visits was with Lonnie's ex-wife and the children from that marriage--we had not seen the older son or the daughter since Deidra was in kindergarten. After they saw the little ones, both Billy and Jackie decided that there was absolutely no way Lonnie could possible be the monster that their mother had them believing that he was so they have decided to be a part of our lives as well. Since that trip, the phone calls and emails fly back and forth several times a week as we get to know them and their families (10 more grandchildren to enrich our lives!). We have truly been blessed, even though there are definitely moments when we wonder what we have gotten ourselves into! I work fulltime and handle all appointments for all 4 children. Lonnie works part-time and draws early Social Security, making sure the children get to and from school and supervising them when I am at work! Our house is a busy one, but it is full of love and laughter!